I haven’t wrote for a really long time, simply because i am a lazy ass, and I have exam pretty much every single week.

I am falling for a straight guy again, it is the forth time. Previous three times, each last one year and a half, ended with a broken heart, each took one year to recover from the wound inside my heart. I really don’t want the history repeat itself.

Everytime I fell for a str8 guy, I told myself “you can’t help it, you cannot choose whom you will fall in love with.” It’s all craps~Sometimes I really hate myself for falling for someone I shouldn’t.

I learned a lot about myself the past year (academic year), thanks to the rejection by professional school in 07, stressful undergraduate research, underpaid job, and many interesting things happened in my life. I have a lot of problems, like being too sensitive, constantly thinking about what other people think about me, strong self-defense, low self-esteem, always want everything to be perfect, and many more.

Also, I care about the assholes in this world too much. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I actually care about what assholes in this world think. I can’t stand how could they think like that, I become upset whenever I encounter an asshole. Suddenly I just feel the world is not going the right direction, everybody else is going to believe whatever the asshole believes. It’s not like I cannot stand people who has different opinion, when I say asshole, I mean the REAL assholes and you know those people exist.

And I know I am being such a dick to care about those things that I should never care about, I just can’t help myself and it is killing me inside. I hate my perfectionism-style thinking.

I can’t believe how old I am getting, it is scary just to think about it. Seeing so many people who are younger than me has achieved more than me makes me feel that I am pointless and useless. I do not know how to enjoy my life, I have been raised a way that the meaning of life is achieving something. So I just study, study, study, work, work, work, setting up goals. I knew I am lost a while ago. I do not know the meaning of life.

We all are gonna die someday, whatever we did in this life won’t last forever, there is no eternity.

I hate myself being so negative.

I just found out that loveisloveislove.com becomes Margaret Cho’s official website. I don’t know why, but her blog just cheer me up.

see I’m a Christian, you Fuckers

Ok, I was just trying to play myself, and phon kept on ringing. All of them were junk phone calls. I have never been receiving so many junk phone calls, and it is a new phone number. Who’s been using my phone number before and who sold my phone numbers?

First, American credit has been calling me at least twice a day for Jane Doe. I told the automated system that I am NOT Jane Doe, it is the wrong phone number, but they still non-stop calling me. What’s up with the Jane Doe, does that bastard owe a lot of money or what?

Second, some children’s hospital called regarding account # xxxxxxxxxx, what the fuck? I don’t owe you money.

Third, some Asian phone company called me and tried to persuade me to change long distance service on the phone. And the caller knows I speak Chinese and she spoke Chinese on the phone. It is creepy, how does she even knows? Who shared that information? AT&T phone company?

AT&T, I got my phone, cellphone, and internet through you, is this how you treat your customers? I was just trying to have a little fun in my bedroom, alone, OK?

Oh my gosh, I haven’t written anything since April, I almost forget about this blog. Let me see what happened during the past a few months.

After being tortured by my undergraduate research, after been through all those struggling, brain cell dying, I completed it. And I graduated, finally. And I still have FOUR more years to go. I worked like a slave the whole summer to make a little bit money, I think I am extremely underpaid (and who doesn’t think he/she is underpaid anyway?) I recently moved to another city for school, first time living alone, in a small mini studio. I pooed 3 times within the first 24 hours of moving in the new apartment, I guess my ass loves that toilet.

I have to change all the licenses, addresses, and I went to the local BMV. The BMV staffs were too nice to be BMV staffs, seriously. One dude there, even drew me a map about the chocolate cafe around my apartment. Hopefully I’ll have a good start, maybe I already have. He’s a nice guy. No, I don’t want to date him. No.

Since I’m going to pharmacy school soon, I am going to write a post about my future plan just for fun.

I wanted to invent a drug that can turn straight guy gay since a few years ago. After falling for straight guys and being heartbroken three times in a row, I’m bitter. Okay, I am a bitter loser nobody wants. First, I am gaydarless, so I always fell for straights, and it seems like falling for straight guy and heart broke is a course that every gay guy must take. But why the hell do I have to take this course three times in a row? I can say that I got an A+ every time. If there is a God watching us above, can you please let me pass this course?

So, if I successfully invent the turn gay drug in the future, I have to make it over the counter, which is available without a prescription. The Concerned Women for America and the Catholic League Bill Donahue are probably going to be outrageous against me, but I don’t give a damn to those crazy bitches. Fred Phelps? He probably already died at that time.

Second, I have to explain the market of this drug is worldwide, not only appealing to gay men who are struggling for their love for straight guy, but to everyone.

If you are a gay guy, make the hot straight guy you like take the pill and screw him good.

If you are a straight guy, and you are competing with another straight guy who are hotter than you for a woman, let your opponent take the pill, and you will get the beauty and screw her good.

If you are a lesbian, and there are some annoying straight guys try to harass you on daily basis, let them take the pill and leave you alone.

If you are a straight woman, and you are jealous that some other girl who is prettier than you and have a wonderful boyfriend, turn her boyfriend gay. Or if some cruel straight guy dumped you for another slut and broke your heart, turn him gay.

I’m such an evil meanie.

I believe majority of the people in the world lack the ability of critical & logical thinking. I like to chitchat on internet a lot. A couple years ago, a stranger added me on the list, and somehow the conversation led him asking me “do you have a GF?” I said “I’m gay, I have no GF.” Then he said “why do you hate woman?” I was thinking, what the hell is wrong with this dude? Just because I don’t want to fuck women, it doesn’t mean I hate them okay? Have you ever heard of “fag hag”? Do you have any clue how many female friends I have?

And I need to get one more thing gay, just because you want to fuck someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you love someone. Maybe you are just slutty and horny.

Another dude who was my college classmate, he once commented on gay guys “I don’t understand gays, how come a guy like a guy, you have everything on your body that another guy has.” So I was thinking, so you like girls because they have two boobs and one vagina that you don’t have? I really felt sorry for his future girlfriend/wife that he “loves” her because of her tits and pussy. 

And at last, all you vicodin crackies listen up! Don’t try to come to drive through window at local drug stores making up lies and asking for vicodin, and when being asked to leave, staying at the window refusing to leave. Don’t try to let your local pharmacists call/fax your doctor to authorize more vicodin refill. No! They won’t give you any refill. And don’t go to emergency rooms telling lies “oh gosh my back hurt” and asking for vicodin, those nurses in emergency rooms have seen that all the time. You are interrupting health care providers helping people who really need help!

What you really need to do is call your doctor and ask for a prescription of Subxone. It is a legal drug that can get rid of your addiction to vicodin.

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Kathy Griffin is coming to town
She’s planning a show
And coming to the Midwest
Gonna find out where her gays at
Kathy Griffin is coming to town
She sees you when you’re watching Bravo!
She knows when you’re being bitchy
She knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for Kathy’s sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Kathy Griffin is coming to town
Kathy Griffin is coming to town

Kathy Griffin is coming to my town in the end of August, cannot believe it! I am so gonna go, coz I’m her gay!

Kathy I’m coming~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. It is not a April Fool’s joke.

Last night while surfing youtube about Bill Maher, I accidently watched Ron Paul on Bill Maher show and I found that Ron Paul was my type of leader. He is apparently the weirdo in the republican party, but he won my heart after me watching many other Ron Paul videos. It is late now since McCain already won, but Ron Paul is such a great person.

I do not agree with every policies he suggested, and it is impossible to find politician that I agree with 100%. What I like about him is that he is willing to listen. He said we should listen what the terrorists have to say “why do they attack us?”. It is so rare that a politician is willing to communicate especially with so called enemy. I value communication because it gives both sides a better understanding of each other, and many conflicts could be avoided by just listening what others have to say.

Second, he criticized a lot of policies existed in US political system, Bravo! It is human nature to blame others when problems occur, but blaming others is useless, it doesn’t solve any problems, and that is exactly why politicians love to do that. But Ron Paul has the guts to criticize US’s own policies, which I admire a lot. It is very difficult but important for a person to be able to look inside, within him/herself to find out if there is anything wrong with him/herself. Is there anything I can do to change myself to make things better? It is very difficult to change others, and what everyone can do is change ourselves little by little in a right direction and to make the world a better place. Ron Paul, unlike other politicians, who love to blame others for their own problems, which I am so sick of. Republicans blame Democrates, Democrates blame Republicans. When there is no one to blame within the country, blame other countries. Blaming game will not bring you anything. Ron Paul knew it, and he had so many great suggestions.

A lot of things he talked about actually make sense and very reasonable, he even became Bill Maher’s new hero. Even though he lost, but he seems to have a huge fan base on Facebook and Myspace, which means he was very popular among the younger generation. Hopefully in the future, we would have a president like Ron Paul, who is rational, peace-loving, at most important, he can think. He dare to be the only republican candidate that is anti-war, dare to speak the truth.

There is a lot of things I value and I found a lot in him. Peace, Understanding, Communication, Liberty, Truth, Rationality.

I know recently Tibet had monk riots and some innocent people died and the city Lhasa became a terrible and scary place right now. And I don’t want to talk about too much about it, you can see it in the news. There will be more dramas occur everywhere until the Olympic game is over.

Growing up in a so-called communism country, I heard a lot of craps about capitalism as growing up. Now living in a capitalism country, I heard a lot of craps about communism every now and then. Countries demonize each other whoever held different idea from them, which is so stupid to me.

My generation Chinese kids already don’t give a fuck about the craps about capitalism from the mass media propoganda, but in America, some people seem to be still living in the 60s Cold-War era. In western media, they still need to add the word “communism” before China. For example, “communism red China bla bla bla”. You will never see phrases like “capitalism USA, capitalism Britain” etc nowadays in China unless it is a joke. The world is moving forward but some people sleep in history and never wake up.

If you grow up in the West, you probably read/heard many terrible news from China. Well, growing up in China, I also read/heard many terrible news from the West, for example, some black guy got beat up by several white cops. You know, things like that. And media loves those news. After living in the US for a couple years, it is not as what media described. And Westerners went to China also experienced something different.

As a common people, I don’t really give a damn to what “ism” the government believes in, I just want a job and I want no war. I just want to live my life peacefully and die. I don’t know much about after that though. I am not interested in joining any political party and I will never be rich enough to be a capitalist. I don’t need to be the world hero, world savior. I am just one of those common people.

Back to the topic, Tibet issue is not as easy or simple as what Tibet exile gov/free Tibet org publicized all over the internet. I am seriously disgusted by politics through out my whole life and I don’t even want to talk about it in a serious way.  I just wish world peace.

Imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too. Imagine all the people, living life in peace.—————–John Lennon.

I don’t like the way how the president is selected. It wastes a lot of money. You need to have millions of dollars or oil company buddies to give you millions of dollars to run an election, and I think it is too money-consuming. With that amount of money, health care problem, government debt those problems may be solved already. 

Also, it takes too much time, candidates have to work so hard the year before until the end of the election year, and after being elected the president just take vacation every other day, and that’s probably why Bush is fucked up.

So I propose a new method. Each candidate writes a personal statement, just like how we apply for colleges, and publish on national newspaper. They can illustrate what they are going to do, how they are going to solve the problems, and as citizens, we have a hard copy of their “speech”, so if they want to lie later, we have records in our hands.

Also, I would like to have all the candidates participate in a intelligence test on national TV live, just make sure they are at least smarter than a fifth grader. And with all the cameras, they cannot cheat and we should get the result live right away. The money generated by commercial contributes the economy as well.

We could totally make a reality show out of it, America’s next president!