I learned a lot about myself the past year (academic year), thanks to the rejection by professional school in 07, stressful undergraduate research, underpaid job, and many interesting things happened in my life. I have a lot of problems, like being too sensitive, constantly thinking about what other people think about me, strong self-defense, low self-esteem, always want everything to be perfect, and many more.

Also, I care about the assholes in this world too much. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I actually care about what assholes in this world think. I can’t stand how could they think like that, I become upset whenever I encounter an asshole. Suddenly I just feel the world is not going the right direction, everybody else is going to believe whatever the asshole believes. It’s not like I cannot stand people who has different opinion, when I say asshole, I mean the REAL assholes and you know those people exist.

And I know I am being such a dick to care about those things that I should never care about, I just can’t help myself and it is killing me inside. I hate my perfectionism-style thinking.

I can’t believe how old I am getting, it is scary just to think about it. Seeing so many people who are younger than me has achieved more than me makes me feel that I am pointless and useless. I do not know how to enjoy my life, I have been raised a way that the meaning of life is achieving something. So I just study, study, study, work, work, work, setting up goals. I knew I am lost a while ago. I do not know the meaning of life.

We all are gonna die someday, whatever we did in this life won’t last forever, there is no eternity.

I hate myself being so negative.

I just found out that loveisloveislove.com becomes Margaret Cho’s official website. I don’t know why, but her blog just cheer me up.

see I’m a Christian, you Fuckers