America’s next top model will be back on Feb 20, I can’t wait to see all those bicthes having cat fights on national television again. Last year was horrible for reality show. The winner of American idol is terrible, the winners of America’s next top model are a dragqueen and a mushroom. My back up plan for not getting into druggist school is to try out American Idol, at least I can sing better than Sanjaya. But since the rating of the new season is so low and I already have offers to become a druggist, I don’t have to make a fool of myself on national tv now.

As people are counting down Bush’s last days, this year, there is one more reality show going on, America’s next top president, which only hold every 4 years. Hilary and Obama are fighting like two kindergarden kids on TV “you bitch”"you dumb dumb”, and John Edwards standing aside thinkng, “if I don’t dye my skin or have my penis removed, I definitely won’t have a chance this year” so he just quitted.

The republican party is fucked up as always. First we have Rudy, who decried gays to be sinful,probably because he will never enjoy gay sex due to his prostate cancer. And why the fuck he think he’s probably one of the four or five best-known Americans in the world. Let me count best-known world wide: Madonna because of her fag hagness, Britney because of her craziness, Michael Jackson because of his case of child molesting, Elvis because he’s just famous, Marilyn Monroe because of her sexiness, George Bush because of his stupidy, Bill Clinton because of you know where his dick has been to before… Anyway, nobody knows who Rudy is.

Second we have Romney, a former businessman who think freedom requires religion. I don’t care if he’s Mormon or what, I have no problem with polygamy, I have no problem with anyone who want multiple partners except my future boyfriend. I strongly believe it is a woman’s right to marry as many husbands as she wants to, and I wonder how many husbands would Elizabeth Taylor marry if the law allows polygamy.

Third we have Fuckabee, who wants to quarantine AIDS patients and called 1968 the dawnng of “the age of gay sex”. But the doctor gave him 10 years in 2003 so he’s gonna die soon. McCain, who hated the gooks, and will hate them as long as he live. I wanted to root for him but since he hates people like me, then whatever. Do I still need to talk about Thompson, who worried Soviet Union would not put pressure on Iran in 2007. And who is Ron Paul?

So today the cutie is the guy from Kyle XY, I his name is Jean-Luc Bilodeau,  I think he is cuter than Matt Dallas. French Canadian Scorpio dancer boy is the cutest. He is too cute in Kyle XY.

I have never seen Brokeback Mountain, which Kathy Griffin once jokingly referred to as “Bareback Mountain”, because I don’t like movies with a sad ending. I read too much beautiful Adam met Eve then happily ever after fairytales as a child, so I fantasize a romantic unrealistic love all the time. I just want to watch an Adam met Steve then happily ever after movie.

However, I watched the Brokeback Mountain Sex scene on YouTube coz I’m horny. But I have to say this; it is the most hideous sex scene I have ever seen in my whole life. As a porn loving gay, I say even porn looks more romantic than that. I think the problem is that the sex scene is too straight, well; the director Ang Lee is straight, so apparently, this is how straight people fantasize gay sex. I suggest that they should hire Chichi LaRue to direct the sex scene part.

Chichi LaRue is so fabulous, and I know those un-mainstream porn makers are making fun of her only producing “condom commercial”. And let me just say this to those who think bareback sex is cool, please see this video: “ WRAP IT UP”, Chichi LaRue said that. It’s always too late to regret when you catch something you don’t want.

If the movie is running low on budget, they also can hire ME to direct this sex scene. I decide to make the sex scene last 25 minutes long. It starts off Ennis and Jack starring each other’s eyes, then kiss, then French kiss (close-up of their tongues). This part 1 should last 3 minutes. Part 2 (3 minutes): Ennis slowly undresses Jack completely and start to lick all over Jack’s body while undressing himself. Part 3: Jack blows Ennis for 3 minutes. Part 4: Ennis blows Jack for 3 minutes. Part 5: Ennis and Jack blow each other in 69-position for 3 minutes. Part 6: Ennis fucks Jack slowly, and I want a close up of Jack’s face when he first got penetrated. That face would be priceless since the gays all want Gyllenhaal now. This part should last 3 minutes. Part 7: Ennis fucks Jack HARD, and I want them to moan as loud as possible. Another 3 minutes. Part 8: Ennis and Jack jerking off together and eventually cum, and I want Zak Spears style moaning. Another 3 minutes. Part 9: the last one minute, Ennis and Jack hold each other naked in bed, kissing and then fall asleep.

Very typical gay porn routine, but I guarantee all the gays and horny straight women would go for it, and I’ll do another cut version for other straight people. Too bad my directing dream will never come true since Heath passed away recently, and hope he rest in peace in a better place. This post is dedicated to him.

And of course Chinese government banned showing Brokeback Mountain in public, but the way we Chinese watch movie are bootleg DVD and internet downloading. There is no one faster than Chinese bootleg CD/DVD businessman. I also saw a debate on Chinese TV channel “should government ban the movie shown in public cinema?” First, the debate is meaningless coz we all voted on internet and 90% people said government should NOT ban. And later on we even had a vote on internet showing that 70% of people support gay marriage.

Anyway, the TV channel has to have something to bitch about. Of course, there will be one conservative dude and one liberal dude to spice up the show. But catfight like Rosie vs Hasselbeck never happen on Chinese TV and this is why I love American TV coz I LOVE catfights. The reasons the conservative dude support the ban are fucking hilarious, I really think he has mental retardation third degree.

Reason one: the movie is too slow, so he didn’t like it. (Please send a complaint to Ang Lee)

Reason two: the gays didn’t use condom to promote safe sex. (Listen y’all actors, while you are performing sex scene, remember let the camera guy give you a close-up of wrapping a condom on your dick in order to promote safe sex. No matter the story happened in Queen Elizabeth era or year 3000. And it doesn’t matter if you are Catholic and the Pope is against using condom.)

Reason three: Ennis cheated on his wife with Jack. Thus this movie was telling the audience to cheat on their partners with a same-sex lover. (I was speechless when these words came out of his mouth, this dude was totally brainless.)

OMG, I just realized Kathy Griffin wasn’t joking, Brokeback Mountain IS BAREBACK! They didn’t have condoms in the 60s.

So today the cutie of the day is yummy Chris Evans. We all know that the Fantastic Four movies are boring, but as long as it has Chris Evans shirtless scene, it’s going to sell.

When I came to America, I weighed 130 pounds and I’m 5 foot 10. According to southern Chinese standard, I am average size, but since I am in America, I am now considered skinny. So I didn’t care about my weight and started enjoying the McDonald’s and I gained 5 pounds the first year.

Then the winter I went back to China, I was excited to see my relatives and friends in high school and colleges. When I showed up, the first thing they said to me was, “you are fat now”, literally everyone of them. I only gained 5 pounds, how cruel these people were. If Tyra Banks was in my situation, she would be like “I weigh 160 pounds and I’m regular size, you skinny bitches KISS MY FAT ASS!”

People build up fat in different parts of body, some people build up around their waist, some grow beer belly, some grow big boobs and some have big butt. I got the worst kind. I build up my fat around my cheeks. But I am not a Muslim woman, so I can’t hide my face with a black veil, the only choice for me is to keep fit.

Later on I started to work for CVS drug store, which stand for Cheap to employees, Vicious to Customers, and Stupid in company management. I worked there like a slave and got paid slightly above minimum wage like an underdog. I haven’t taken my paid 15 minutes break in a million years.

For example last Friday, I had lunch at 12:30PM then go to work for straight 8 hours shift and back home at 11:00PM coz I have to drive 45 minutes to that ghetto. I didn’t eat anything in between except a few pieces of my co-worker’s left over cheese crackers. This is how shitty I was treated like on daily basis.

I worked with a LOT of interesting people who gave me tons of materials I can bitch about here. This dude, I always suspect he might be gay. First, he wore a pink shirt go to work. Second, he has a weird girlfriend. Third, he recommended me to watch the gayest movie in human history—Top Gun. That “You can always be my wingman” Top Gun! I found the line very sweet and romantic, and I decide to say it to my future boyfriend for sure.

I just watched Tom Cruise’s couch accident on YouTube this morning. I have to be honest, I found Tom pretty cute in Top Gun, and I was very upset that the sex scene was way too shorter than I expected. But after watching the cough accident, I made an conclusion that he is a psycho.  He needs to see a psychiatrist ASAP, even though he’s against it because of his scientology belief. No wonder Kathy Griffin once said that the gays don’t even want him anymore.

Anyway, after one year and a half, I now weigh 128 pounds now. Working for an evil empire corporation as a slave is a great way to lose weight while getting paid.

So today the cutie of the day is South Korean actor/model Oh Ji Ho. I love him because of his tanning skin, athletic body, gorgeous face which clearly does not look like a Korean. Anyway, he is HOT!

I always have a lot of stereotypes of Americans before I came to the states, which later I found out are not true. I was always told that US is a very liberal country. Two people can have a cup of coffee and then go straight to bed for sex (blame sex and the city and Hollywood movies for this one).

After I came here, I found Americans are very conservative. There are a lot of people who are committed to their marriages, which I think is good. So I am thinking, maybe those people in sex and the city are not “liberal”, they are just simply slutty.

I thought America was a gay heaven, which turned out that it is more homophobic and gay bashing than China. Coz in America, if a girl’s hair is too short, people will be like “lesbian!” If two guys are too close to each other, “fag!” In China it’s the opposite, if a guy flirts with a girl, “Pervert! sex offender!”

And I also don’t get why in America wearing Speedos equal being gay. I have always been wearing Speedos, first, it’s sexy. Second, it can hold my dick in a comfortable position. Coz if I wear briefs, my dick would wiggle in my pants while walking, and sometimes it gets stuck in an awkward position.

Anyway, I never realized how gay I am until I found JUB, the gayest community feeling forum. I love this forum, it’s silly and there are a lot of bitches there, which made it so much fun. However, I found it really weird that almost everybody on JUB has a porn star size dick; they tell you in their profiles. You know that delicious porn star Brent Corrigan, who has a 7 inches long dick. But he’s just average size if he’s on JUB. Pavel Novotny, he’s just slightly above average.

I don’t understand it, coz JUB is an English forum not French. In 2007, the shameless French people conducted a research to prove that the French guys have the longest dicks in the world. As a Chinese, we are too humble to do such shameless and cocky thing like the French did. We probably would conduct a research to prove that the people in the country we hate most have the smallest dicks in the world, that’s about it.

Go back to the topic, Americans and Chinese have different dating rules as well. In America, women get free dinner and men get sex. In China, women get free dinner and men don’t get sex. You might think it sucks but it does prevent date rape. And I also don’t get why people would want to have sex after dinner, coz if I had a really big dinner, especially those all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, I am so going to fart and it surely smells like a mixture of everything I ate. This is exactly why I found rimming kind of dangerous coz you never know when you will get a “bomb” like my after China-buffet fart.

Before I came to the states, I always fell for straight guys, three times in a row, each last for two and half years, so my heart was basically smashed into pieces. So I thought, since the Chinese boys don’t like me, maybe I’ll have some luck with some cute American boys. Coz I’ve heard of a lot of stories of ugly Chinese girls, who can’t find husbands in China, eventually married some gorgeous guys from the west. And I don’t look too bad, so maybe, I’ll meet someone special. Three years gone by, still no luck for me. Geeks don’t get laid, no matter you are gay or straight.

When I am sad about my empty love life, I would play the song “Someday My Prince will come” by the powerful Streisand, who Kathy Griffin called a strong black woman, to give myself some hope. But the word “someday” is like the word “soon”, you never know when, it could be never. Three years ago, I called Yahoo ADSL Company and ask when fast speed internet will be available in my neighborhood, and they replied “soon.” Three years after, it’s still not available. Even my friends in China are making fun of me still using dial-up, “you are in a developed country, are you kidding about the fucking slow dial-up?” “Yeah, I’m in the Midwest, what else I can do?”

So my family chose another company over Yahoo and we got ADSL now. And I plan to move out to another state after getting my Bachelor degree in August.

Maybe my prince will come someday.

The Cutie of the day today is Canadian figure skator Jeffrey Buttle, he is like a prince on ice.

I opened a new blog on blogger.com last week and I didn’t like the blog site, it is easy to use but you have to be an html language master to change your template. So I switch to wordpress, which took me a couple hours to set up on the first day, but the blog stat feature is very awesome, so I found out that there is actually people reading my blog?! Whoever you are, THANK YOU! Anyway, I like wordpress so I think I will stay here for a while.

The big snow is striking southern China recently and millions of people stuck in the railway station and highway, which you may have seen in the news. People may wonder why we have such a large population. It is because back in the 50s and 60s, we didn’t have TV. So what else are we going to do after supper?

After watching Kathy Griffin on Jimmy Kimmel Live! trying to define Jimmy into the “bear” category by gaining 50 pounds, I suddenly found that I cannot define myself into any type. I’m too skinny to be chubby or bear, too young to be daddy, not athletic enough to be a jock, meantime I do not have a body build to be a hunk, and my body below bellybutton is too hairy to be a twink. So what am I? Probably just a geek forever.

I actually like nerdy geeky guys a lot, because they are usually smart and I love smart guys. Even though wearing glasses =nerdy in America, but in China it means you are probably en educated person. So basically you can wear a pair of glasses to say to Chinese people:”Hi, I’m Dr. Jones and I have a PhD in homosexualogy.””Oh really? Cool!”

BTW, my blog is about non-sense, I wrote whatever is on my mind, and then proofread later.

I found that when conservative saying that gays could get married just like straight people, as long as they are marrying a woman, very annoying and hypocritical. First, I am against gays marrying straights. It is a very irresponsible thing not only for him/herself but also for the society. Second, an innocent straight person will get hurt eventually. A lot of gay guys will marry a girl eventually in China, surrender to the social and family pressure. I was lucky to grow up in a very liberal city and my political thoughts are fairly liberal as well, despite my family is extremely conservative.

I don’t give a damn to a lot of those Chinese traditional values, coz some of them are just plain stupid. Like having a boy is more valuable than girl, one ought to have a son to get his family seed succeeded; children are the properties of parents and so on. Please let gays marry gays, straights marry straights, (not sure about Bi) and if you don’t want gay marriage being called as “marriage”, maybe we can come up a new word for gay marriage, I don’t know, maybe rainbowage, marrigayge?

If I have to marry a woman, who would that be? I think Kathy Griffin will be interesting to married, and then my life will be a comedy forever. Martha Stewart, she’s rich and she can teach me interior design. Rosie O’fattie is too annoying. Whoever it might be but definitely not Laura Bush, Margaret Cho once said that Laura’s vagina tastes like Lysol. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I don’t want to experience myself.

I like the video game Sims 2, and you should play it too if you are a big loser in real life as me, I mean loser in love life. First, gays can get married, well, join union actually, but still a big step in human history. So I can create a super hot guy and marry him in the game. Second, guys can get pregnant by using cheat code. If you are a strong business woman and don’t want pregnancy stop your career, let your husband get pregnant for you then.

So pretty much I can marry a hot guy and have his kid. How delicious is that whole thing. (gosh I’m such a girl.)

I decide to post a picture of a cute guy with each entry I am going to post, because I know that a cutie a day, keeps your doctor away. Today, the cutie of the day is Marco Dapper, from Eating Out 2, who is too hot to be straight but unfortunately still straight.

I fucking hate the music today, I couldn’t even find a descent radio station while driving so I ended up listening to country music stations. Whenever I turned on the radio of top 40, horrible songs came to my ears. “shake your boob for me shake your boob for me c’mon” “You’re beautiful I’m fucking high” and some more I couldn’t even tell if they were sung in English.

However,there are actually some good songs on country station nowadays. My old chemistry lab partner was surprised when she knew I actually listen to country music, because it’s totally American thing not Chinese at all. But I like all kinds of music as long as it sounds good to me.

I found Brad Paisley to be my dreamlover type except that fact that unfortunately he’s straight. But he is hot, and that’s good enough for me. He has a great body with 6 pack abs, he is talented and he is faithful to his marriage. What else a gay boy ask for. I also found his love story to be very fairytale like. He watched a movie at his 19 and had a crush on the actress in that movie, and eventually he ended up marrying her. All I can say about this is dreams do come true. So I stick with my dream of a fairytale-like love.

The problem of country music is based in the southern redneck area, where is super conservative and gay bashing and Bush worshipping. For example, Reba McEntire is a good singer but since she is so Bush worshipping and Dixie Chicks hating, as a gay boy I can’t even listen to her albums anymore. And last time I was at Gretchen Wilson concert, a row of redneck women sitting behind me were constantly sceaming their heads off, I was scared.

What else I like about the South is that I found cowboys are ridiculously hot and sexy before it became trendy, gay cowboys are the hottest. Midwest is equally gay bashing as the south, but no sexy cowboys. I don’t know how long I have to stuck in this fucking boring cornfield.

I don’t get why there is still people out there like Britney. I never liked her, I have always supported Xtina since the very beginning. Anyway, bitch Britney was very very popular back in the days, even the local newspapers in China had news about Britney every week.

Week one, Britney saying “I never smoke, I am a good role model”. Week two, Britney was caught smoking with picture taken. Week three, Britney saying “I am a virgin and I am gonna keep it that way until me and Justin get married.” Week four, Britney & Justin broke up with Justin saying “Britney was not a virgin when I did her.” I don’t like fake person, so I prefer the dirrty Xtina who has been a slut consistenly.

Britney has gone crazy for a couple years already, but there are still some gays and their fag hags believe she will come back. Those divas like Madonna, Cher, they all know that whenever they are at their top or down to toilet, the gays are always behind their backs supporting them. If an entertainer build up a huge gay fan base, then he/she for sure will be in the industry for a while.

When I saw Britney shaved her hair, I kinda felt sorry for her. An 18 years old girl all of a sudden became an international superstar, there must be tons of pressure. So if she can suck her life then I can suck mine as well.